Mac is Back, Season Six Released to DVD

Duct tape. A lighter. A piece of rope. And a mullet. Sound familiar. Yes, it’s MacGyver. One of the greatest television shows of all time is now six seasons deep on DVD. Paramount Television has just released the sixth of seven problem-solving seasons starring Richard Dean Anderson as MacGyver. In case you missed out on this cornerstone to television in the 80’s, MacGyver uses everyday materials around him to create unorthodox solutions to any problem he faces.

From 1985 to 1992, this show on ABC captivated millions of viewers. Paramount wasted no time releasing it to DVD. Most “classic” shows rollout at one season per year. Not MacGyver. The first six years have been released at a rate of one season every four to five months.

Season six hits home with the final episode of the season with Phoenix Foundation comrade Pete Thornton, played by Dana Elcar, dealing with Glaucoma, the same condition that robbed the star of his vision in real life. Elcar died the same day the first season was released on DVD last June. The penultimate season also shows Mac dealing with longtime nemesis Murdoch once again.

Look for season seven, which just might include the two MacGyver movies from 1994, on store shelves this October.

Jet Blue Keeping Passengers from Seeing Red

Looks like Jet Blue is having a positive impact in Richmond in terms of low fares and customer serivce. Hopefully, the low cost carrier will add more destinations in the months to come. The following was an editorial in the Times-Dispatch today.

First Class
Richmond Times-Dispatch
Jun 27, 2006

Central Virginia welcomed JetBlue because it injected the region with needed low-cost competition. Established rivals responded to the price challenge by slashing fares. Those same rivals may want to pay attention to how JetBlue lures fliers with its superior customer service.

During a recent two-hour delay, JetBlue personnel won accolades for their treatment of passengers. Instead of allowing them to sit and stew, the pilot descended from the flight deck and pulled out his wireless laptop. He showed his customers the weather system causing problems along the East Coast, including Richmond. The crew followed with a round of snacks and beverages for all.

Traditional carriers sometimes treat passengers as mere inconveniences who are lucky to be aboard. JetBlue shows another way, and these delayed customers took notice. Sue Wolver told The Times-Dispatch, "In many years of flying and encountering delays, I have never had an airline go to the lengths that JetBlue did."

Traversing the friendly skies used to present the public with an enjoyable experience. Over time it seemingly deteriorated into riding an uncomfortable flying bus. JetBlue lowered the price of Richmond's flights; maybe it also will raise the bar for service.

Media Exposes Security Efforts (Again)

The media seems to continue to expose anti-terrorism efforts, possibly jeopardizing our safety. Two of the nations leading newspapers, the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times both reported last week that the Treasury Department had subpoenaed information from SWIFT a Belgium firm that exchanges transactional information between banks. This probe to protect our nation has been in place since the 2001 al Qaeda attacks on New York and Washington.



In case you have missed it, the story is all over the tube. Last night on his MSNBC show “Countdown”, Keith Olberman said " if the Times can't report this "haven't the terrorists won?" I guess that can be said for just about anything our government does then. (See cartoon above.)

Money trails. It is not a new concept. It is a way to track where people are, and what they are doing. This works in the case of terrorists as well. The ability to track finances aided in the capture of Islamic radicalist Hambali. He was the brains, or lack there of, behind the Bali bombings that killed more than 200 people in 2002. Where was the outrage then?

Some things are better left undisclosed in order to protect our citizens. Yet many Americans jump to conclude that the survilence of these bank accounts is an invasion of their privacy. But it is the “privacy” of the terrorists that is being compromised. And nothing is wrong with that.

Yesterday, President Bush called the security breach by the Times, “disgraceful.” He went on to say, “"Congress was briefed, and what we did was fully authorized under the law.” Clearly the media wanted to pounce on the White House with this leak. But the White House stood its ground and fired back.

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said it best during a press briefing yesterday. “The New York Times and other news organizations ought to think long and hard about whether a public’s right to know, in some cases, might override somebody’s right to live, and whether, in fact, the publications of these could place in jeopardy the safety of fellow Americans.”

Living in Virginia, the attacks of 9-11 hit close to home. Honestly, if the government believes that tracking the bank accounts of people that want to inflict harm on our country and or citizens, then they should go right ahead.

Read more about this leak in an article by Gabriel Schoenfeld, senior editor for Commentary magazine, published in the Weekly Standard.

Will Isiah be the Savior?

Start spreading the news. Larry Brown has been canned as Knicks head coach. The nomadic basketball junkie is out, with a mere four years and $40 million left on his deal. Brown's "dream job" turned into an utter nightmare in a New York minute, in what could be his last NBA coaching gig.

With Brown's departure, the organization didn't look far for a replacement. General Manager Isiah Thomas is in. Thomas becomes the seventh coach in seven years. The former all-world guard for the Detroit Pistons is the brain behind trading for the likes of Eddie Curry, who is softer than double ply Charmin TP. And signing lackluster ballers like Jerome James and Maurice Taylor to big deals didn't help his cause with the here and now Knick fans.

Because of the Curry deal, the Bulls get the Knicks pick this year, which happens to be the second overall selection. The Knicks do have two late first round picks in the 2006 draft. But besides plucking Channing Frye with the seventh pick last year, the Kincks draft strategy is worse than the French army at fighting wars. Lavor Postell and Maciej Lampe. Do those names ring a bell? Didn’t think so.

Known by many as Zeke, Thomas takes over an underachieving team that went 23-59 last season, and was in the bottom of the league in almost all statistical catagories, besides salary. Thomas went 131-115 in three seasons with the Indiana Pacers.

The Knicks have over $121 million dollars tied up in contracts; clearly the highest amount in the league. Four players are netting at least $15 million per year. Lots of that is tied up in Stephon "I want my ashes spread over The Gaahden" Marbury, and the somewhat recent addition of Steve Francis. Throw in Quentin Richardson and Jamal Crawford just for fun and a few seasonal feuds, and your left with a concoction of rich round ballers that are all about offense and no defense. Even Emril could'nt whip this mess up.

Contracts from the crypt have haunted the Knicks as well. Larry Johnson and Alan Houston made plenty of cash while playing, being injured, and after hanging up the gym shoes. The team has a history of bringing on very large contracts, and washed up players.

Owner James Dolan apparently doesn't care. He and Thomas both love Marbury, a native of Coney Island NY, so he will probably be in the Big Apple for at least a few more seasons. Possibly one reason for the demise of Brown was the war of words with his veteran guard. It was all over the sports pages across the country.

Yet, not all was sour for the Atlantic Division cellar dwellers last season. Sweetness can come in small doses. Literally. Nate Robinson, all 5'9" inches of him, did claim the 2006 All-Star Slam Dunk Championship, bringing back the days of Spud Webb and Mugsy Bouges, a time when the Knicks were on the way up in the league. But that short lived high didn't salvage the teams worst season since 1986.

So who's to blame for the demise of one? The ailing Larry Brown? Or the free spending front office? Or is it the selfish players? All basketball eyes will be watching Madison Square Garden come the first of November. Spike Lee and Woody Allen might want to close theirs.

Bother Me

two-door SUV's

men that write checks for purposes other than paying bills

paying for groceries with a check

cellphones, vibrate and silent are underrated

Poker on ESPN

restaurants that think Iced Tea is a seasonal drink

personalizing your license plate with your vehicle type, who cares that you have a 02civic?

buffering on internet video

when software asks you what program you want to open it with? Isnt that the job of the computer?

fat free brownies, gross

torn or faded look on new clothes, I can rip and wash myself

people that don't hold the door or say "thank you"

Hockey, please keep it on OLN forever

shows that start at 8:05 and end at 9:05, screwing up the DVR

NASCAR expansion

Merrell sport sandals that old men wear, a sleaker version of Teva's? sweet mocs

Northern Virginia, excuse me, NOVA, traffic

Seth MacFarlane

Seth MacFarlane is one funny bastard. He is the creator of hit shows the Family Guy and American Dad. Two adult cartoon shows that air on the Fox Network. Family Guy is what put MacFarlane on the map. Family Guy is a bigger and more over the edge version of The Simpsons, another Fox mainstay. It hits on topics that many shows would never think about putting on. One reason it is not for children.

MacFarlane’s talents were almost taken away on September 11, 2001. He was scheduled to return to Los Angeles on American Airlines Flight 11 after being a keynote speaker at his alma-mater in Rhode Island, but arrived at the gate about ten minutes after final boarding ended. At 8:14 am, we all know what happens next. MacFarlane says he arrived late because he was hungover from the night before and joking, "Drinking can save your life." Society is better for having Seth MacFarlane.

If you are a Family Guy fan, check out this funny man give his advice to Harvard graduates as himself, and Family Guy characters Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, and Glenn Quagmire.

MacFarlane's Harvard Speech (you might have to do some buffering, I know it sucks)

Lefty's Wrong Turn

Rarely do you hear the names of golfers Jean Van de Velde and Phil Mickelson in the same sentence. That was until the 2006 U.S. Open.

First, a brief history lesson. If you live outside the world of irons and woods, or Europe for that matter, you might not know who Jean Van de Velde is. In the 1999 British Open Championship at Carnoustie, the Fenchman arrived at the 18th tee needing only a double-bogey six to win his first major title. He then proceeded to flop and score a triple-bogey seven, which dropped him into a three-way playoff with Justin Leonard and Paul Lawrie. Lawrie ended up winning the title and became part of one of the biggest choke-o-las in golf history.

We now resume our regularly scheduled implosion.

With one swing of his Callaway driver, Phil Mickelson’s 18th hole tee shot at Winged Foot turned into his Achilles heel. One that might ache for the world’s best golfer (that’s right Tiger, I said it) for a long time to come. Before you could yell “Fore” what many had called the “Mickel Slam” turned into the “Mickel Melt.”

With three holes to play, and a two shot lead over his fellow competitors, Mickelson virtually had the 106th United States Open title zipped up in his golf bag, ready to take it back to San Diego with his wife Amy and show his three kids what dad had won. Then the often stubborn southpaw reached the 72nd and final hurdle of the tournament with a "sink or slam" mentality, which like Sunday, has cost him majors in the past. Mickelson drowned.

Mickelson came into the event winning the past two PGA majors. Yet in the final moments of the years 2nd major, he could have been easily mistaken for a country club hacker, just trying to make it back to the tap room for an ice cold Michelob Ultra.

When he should have gone with the low risk pitch out (after hitting the hospitality tent of course), Mickelson went for it all, trying to bend his second shot around a tree lining the fairway. Mickelson's risky shot hit a tree and then dive bombed a greenside sand bunker. What must have seemed like an hour after the disastrous tee shot, Mickelson made a 10-foot putt for his bogey and slowly lumbered into the Winged Foot clubhouse tied for 2nd, wondering what happened.

"I don't know what happened. I am such an idiot," Mickelson said, after his final round.

Instead of Mickelson hoisting his first Havemeyer Trophy, it was Geoff Ogilvy who scored the biggest win of his career. Ogilvy, 29, capped off his round with a flourish, sinking pars on each of the last two holes, a feat many of the PGA tour veterans could not accomplish. After gaining some confidence with a beautiful chip shot at the 17th, the native of Australia didn’t disappoint on the 18th, with a six-foot par and the lead in the clubhouse. Ogilvy scribbled a final round 2-over-par 72 on his championship scorecard and finished at 5-over-par 285, going home with a cool $1,225,000. Alas, It wont be Ogilvy’s stunning win in the sports toughest major that will be remembered by golf guru’s, but Mickelson's collapse.

It's not like Phil hadn't seen the famous Mamaroneck, N.Y, course before. He and his caddie Jim Mackay practically went on a reconnaissance mission weeks before tourney started, scoping out every hole and every hazard.

It might be hard to believe, but the circumstances could have been worse. Many of Mickelson's errant shots landed where the boisterous New York gallery stood for four days, giving him a flat surface to hit from, instead of thick rough that in some spots measured 5 1/2 inches. Mickelson was up close and personal with the gallery for most of the day, hitting only 2 of 14 fairways with his driver. Not a good ratio.

The 18th hole also ended Colin Montgomerie's bid for a major title. Monty is now 0-58, and still one of the best golfers never to win a big one. Irishman Paddy Harrington and American Jim Furyk didn't fare much better after contending for the title earlier in the afternoon.

In a month, the 3rd leg of the grand slam, The British Open, will get underway at Royal Liverpool. Remember that one Mick? It's the slam Van de Velde lost. Hopefully for Mickelson, the comparison will end there. See you in July.

PBR Kicks up Dust in Richmond

When I learned that the Professional Bull Riders (PBR) were coming to the Richmond Colieseum on Friday night, I knew I had to be there. It had been seven years since the PBR was in Richmond. Riding bulls with names like Full Throttle, Vertigo, and Big Daddy, over 40 riders competed for a chace to take home $30,000 and win the Greg Potter Slate River Ranch Classic.

If I took one thing away from the evening, it's that cowboys are fearless and a little crazy. Among other things, the overall goal is to stay on the bucking bull for at least eight seconds. Oh yeah, and not get trampled by a kicking 1,800 pound beast in the process.

It was one rough and rowdy night. Luckily, no rider was seriously injured during the three hour contest. Nothing was more electric than the beginning of the event, when the letters PBR were set ablaze in the bull ring when the riders were introduced. I have been to Rodeo's in Wyoming and Colorado, and this was one of the best I've seen.

FEMA Fraud

A $200 bottle of champagne from Hooters. Three hundred dollars worth of "Girls Gone Wild" videos. A vacation in the Dominican Republic. A sex change. New Orleans Saints tickets. Priceless. There are some things hurricane evacuees apparently can afford, thanks to Uncle Sam.
Wake me up when will the United States Federal Government realizes that its citizens do not know how to spend money in this country properly? I’ll probably be Rip Van Winkle by then.

Nearly 7,000 people signed up for the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) debit cards last September after hurricanes Katrina and Rita struck the Gulf Coast. According to the Government Accountability Office (GAO), 1.4 billion dollars in assistance to individual hurricane victims was used for “bogus” spending. But what’s 1.4 billion dollars, right?

FEMA is ignorant for thinking that people would actually use the debit cards handed out to Katrina evacuees for necessary goods and services. There were reports from Houston that some debit card recipients decided that purchasing the latest Louis Vuitton purse was more important than food, shelter or transportation. Go figure. The debit card disaster was scrapped by FEMA after only two days.

What FEMA should have done was taken a page out of the U.S. military spending plan. The military has cards that it issues to service men and women that are monitored and can only be used for important needs like, gas, food, and shelter. What a brilliant idea. Where were these cards in Houston, San Antonio and Baton Rouge? FEMA allegedly paid $20,000 to a Louisiana prisoner who listed a post office box as his damaged property. Where was the red flag on that one?

In case you have been living under a rock, the government also provides assistance to homeowners during disasters. There are tens of thousands of people that live in low lying areas, specifically below sea level. Many insurance companies do not cover these hazardous areas, or if they do, the insurance is through the roof. Yet these are the people that whine and complain when their homes flood from torrential rains. There is a solution. Move or stop complaining. No one forces people to live in these disaster prone areas.

Today, it was reported that FEMA is cutting back on the amount of cash it will give to future disaster victims. Instead of using debit cards worth $2,000, victims will be able to withdraw only about $500 for food, clothing, shelter and transportation costs.

And in one positive step forward, the CEO of Hooters is paying the government for the $200 bottle of champagne. Now there is nothing tacky or unrefined about that.

Artist Steve Keene

If you are an art enthusiast, or are just looking for something to cover a bare wall, check out Steve Keene. An art director at my office ordered a few paintings last week from Keene— a funky, folk-style artist who’s done album covers for many well-known bands. His work has been covered by many magazines like The New York Times, Details, and Time.

What makes Keene unique is that his paintings, known as SK Art, are hand-done, assembly line style, so each mass produced painting is a little bit different.

Keene also has some paintings on eBay. The link can be found on his website.

Tropical Storm Overkill Picking Up Strength

Tropical Storm Overkill has formed, and it is not in the Atlantic or Pacific. We can watch right before our very eyes, morning, noon, and night. Tropical Depressions, Tropical Storms, and Hurricanes are everywhere. Or so it seems.

A fellow blogger made a good observation on the media coverage of hurricanes in an unrelated post saying “will the major cable news networks turn into our local news stations now that it is tropical storm season and the opening of every newscast will deal with whether or not it might rain, even if a storm is five days away. Heaven forbid something important might be going on.”

Good Point.

What’s next? Good evening, I’m Brian Williams. We begin tonight with a with a volatile low pressure disturbance forming off of the coast of Africa that could strike Florida in three weeks. Before I forget, Al-Qaeda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi has been killed in Iraq.

Now I consider myself a quasi weather junkie. I could watch the Weather Channel for hours on end. Storms are fascinating. The Weather Channel was created so that cable subscribers have constant weather analysis all the time. You can watch coverage of Tropical Storm Alberto, or a blizzard in North Dakota for hours on end. Thank goodness for cable television. Network news does not need to have this in-depth coverage.

The cable news networks tend to belabor stories. I know it’s hard to fathom. The media feeds off of recency and relevance, like a storm strengthening from the warm ocean waters. What will it come too? A ratings battle over hurricane coverage?

Everyone says we live in a post 9-11 world. Well, we also live in a post-Katrina world. When landmark events in our history take place, it is always used as a point of reference for the future. So every storm this season and beyond will have discussions of comparisons to that of Hurricane Katrina. It still goes on with Hurricane Andrew, which pummeled South Florida in 1992. These were both serious natural disasters, and should not be taken lightly.

If the 2006 hurricane season is anything like 2005, the network news anchors might be mistaken as meteorologists, learning the Saffir-Simpson Scale like the back of their hand. The captivating stories that once would have topped the evening news could become afterthoughts.

You know, we might just have to evacuate our couch this summer.

Big Ben Takes a Big Spill

In the world of motorcycle riding, there are two kinds of riders: those that have fallen, and those that will fall. Professional athletes are not excluded.

Yesterday afternoon, Ben Roethlisberger decided to ride his motorcycle in downtown Pittsburgh. It was this jaunt that almost cost the Super Bowl champion quarterback his career, and his life. Rothelisberger crashed his bike and suffered major injuries to his head, jaw and nose. According to reports, Roethlisberger remained in serious but stable condition after seven hours of surgery that ended at approximately 9 p.m. ET


This accident should have never happend,plain and simple. The blame in this case is two-fold. Roethlisberger should have worn a helmet, even if it is not a law in Pennsylvania, and he possibly did not have a license. As crazy as it may sound, NASCAR drivers are not forced to wear helmets while racing, yet all 43 drivers do when they get strapped in their cars.

More importantly, the Steelers organization should have put a clause in his million dollar contract banning him from participating in activities that cause personal injury. The Steelers only keep Roethlisberger off of his bike during the season, yet he is probably the most essential piece of the pigskin puzzle. Let Tommy Maddux ride the crotch rockets, bungee jump or skydive, not Big Ben!

Since his knees and arms were not severly damaged, Steeler fans can breath a bit easier in anticipation of the upcoming football season. Roethlisberger is expected to make a full recovery.
Roethlisberger isn’t the first superstar athlete to engage in periolous thrills off of the playing field.

In 2003, Chicago Bulls guard Jay Williams crashed into a light pole, fracturing his pelvis, tearing knee ligaments and damaging nerves in his left leg. He hasn't played in the NBA since.

Cleveland Browns tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was stupid, twice. He sustained internal injuries and damage to his right shoulder and right knee in 2005. These injuries forced him to miss the entire season. Then, while healing from his previous knee injury, he decided to ride his new sport bike and hit a curb and was thrown over the handlebars, getting hurt once again.

Ironically after Winslow’s injuries, ESPN interviewed Roethlisberger about riding motorcycles:

ESPN: It's not the law in Pennsylvania to wear a helmet. Why don't you wear a helmet?Roethlisberger: Because you don't have to. It's not the law. If it was the law, I'd definitely have one on every time I rode. But it's the law and I know I don't have to and you're just more free when you're out there with no helmet on.

ESPN: How much do you view riding a motorcycle as a risk?Roethlisberger: I think it can be a risk. It depends on how you ride. I don't ride a sport bike. If I'm riding a sport bike and trying to do tricks, and going 200 miles down the highway, that's probably pretty stupid. But when you're riding a Harley or a chopper and you're riding with a group of people and you're not on the highway and you're cruising, you're relaxing. I don't think its as much of a risk as people make it out to be.

Can’t the motorcycles wait until after their careers are over and they can serve a purpose, like giving their arthritic knees a break?

"Super Size Me" star does time in Henrico

He's probably most famous for his personal look at obesity in America by breaking down his once healthy body with Mickey D's for an entire month. Now, Morgan Spurlock has gone from the fast food portions to the penitentiary.

Spurlock, the star and patient of award-winning documentary "Super Size Me" decided to spend 23 days disguised as an inmate the Henrico County Jail as part of his show on FX "30 Days." According to FX, "30 Days places individuals in environments "antithetical to their upbringing, beliefs, religion or profession."

In past episodes, "30 Days" have followed month long journeys of an out-of-shape man undergoing anti-aging treatments, a straight man living in a homosexual area and a Christian living in a Muslim family, and spend 30 days trying to live on minimum wage.

According to the Times-Dispatch, "An agreement was signed, and Spurlock was processed at Henrico's Jail West on Feb. 8, after he was "sentenced" to 30 days in jail by Henrico General District Judge John Marshall. He was taken upstairs to jail just before 11 p.m." Spurlock did not receive any special treatment while in jail, and ending up paying over $1,500 in various fees.

If you want to check out Henrico's justice system at work, the second season of "30 Days" airs on FX on Thursday, July 27.

Local Delivery

Denny Hamlin captured his first career Nextel Cup win today at Pocono. Hamlin, a native of Chesterfield, VA, came back from a blown left rear tire on lap 51 to take the checkered flag in the Pocono 500. The driver of the Fed-EX Ground Chevy sat on the pole and led a race high 83 laps. This win catapults Hamlin from 11th to 9th in the Nextel Cup standings, 463 points behinds series leader Jimmie Johnson.

What makes the victory even more impressive is the fact that Hamlin had never raced on the track before this weekend, preparing by driving Pocono on his NASCAR simulated video games. Most rookies never race at the "roval" known as Pocono because it is not a track where the Busch Series races. Last year, Carl Edwards won at Pocono in his first try.

Hamlin,25, found immediate success behind the wheel of the number 11 Chevrolet, a car the struggled mightily for most of the season. He started the final seven races of 2005 and responded with three top-10 finishes. Only twice did he finish outside the top 20. Hamlin also won a pole at Phoenix.


Tasting victory is nothing new to the rookie driver for Joe Gibbs Racing, who grew up racing on the short tracks of Virginia. Hamlin suprised everyone, including teammate Tony Stewart, with his Budweiser Shootout victory in Daytona this past February. He has also scored Busch Series wins on the road course at Mexico City in March, and at Darlington in May.

Today's win gives Hamlin three top-5 finishes and six top-10 finishes on the season and keeps him in the hunt to make the Nextel Chase for the Championship.

Roger vs. Rafael

Tomorrow morning possibly one of the biggest tennis matches in recent history will take place. Gone are the days of Sampras versus Agassi. And gone are the days of U.S. Tennis, well almost. But Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal could care less.

Nadal, 20, from Spain, has won 59 consecutive clay court matches and is the king of clay. Roger Federer, 24, from Switzerland, has won 27 straight Grand Slam matches, 2nd longest in the Open Era. Tomorrow the top two seeds in the French Open will go head to head for the championship at Roland Garros.

Federer already owns seven slams, but like his idol Sampras, has yet to win the French. On clay this year, Federer has been impressive, going 16-2. If Federer can win the French, and four consecutive slams, he will go down as one of the best players of all time.

Beating Federer has been a tough task for many players on the ATP tour. However, Nadal knows how to get it done, leading the head to head series 5-1. Nadal handed Federer a loss in the 2005 French Open Semifinals, eventually going on to win his first grand slam title.

Nadal made it a 1-2 seed final on Friday with a 6-4 6-2 7-6(7) victory over No4 seed Ivan Ljubicic. Federer reached his first French Open Final after David Nalbandian retired hurt mid-way through their semifinal match.

The Men's French Open finals airs tomorrow on NBC.

Neologism Contest 2006

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.The winners , in no particular order:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by Proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

MLB: From Gloom to Grim

Jason Grimsley went from a baseball journeyman to a baseball juicer this week.

The right-handed pitcher for the Arizona Diamondbacks admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs other than steroids, including human growth hormone (HGH)

Before Tuesday, Grimsley was probably most famous for crawling through the ceiling at the new Comiskey Park to rescue teammate Albert Belle's corked bat.

Agents searched the 14 year veterans Scottsdale, Arizona house for over six hours. So far, agents have not commented on what was seized. D-Back admits steriod use.

Human growth hormone is a substance that is banned by MLB. HGH allows for the rapid growth of muscle and cartilage, and quick recovery time from fatigue and injuries. Yet there is no testing for HGH in Baseball or any other professional sport, so players know they can take the substance and get away with it. HGH can’t be traced by a simple urine test. However, blood tests can detect HGH.

Steroids and baseball have become tantamount since former player Ken Caminiti’s death in 2004, and the congressional hearings involving the likes of Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmerio, and Jose Canseco.

Although it was San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds who hit the home run that might have changed baseball forever with his connection to trainer Greg Anderson, Victor Conte, and the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative (BALCO) scandal. What does this mean for Bonds, with more players being attached to the steroids stigma? According to the affidavit, at least 10 players were named by Grimsley. With possibly more player being named, does it in any way lessen Bonds' involvement?


This latest steroids stir is not the news MLB Commissioner Bud Selig wanted to hear. Selig already has nightmares thinking about the possibility of Bonds passing Hank Aaron on the all-time home run list next season. Many believe what Selig really wanted, whether he openly says it or not, was Cardinals superstar Albert Pujols to break Bonds single season home run record this year. Now that will not happen with Pujols on the disabled list.

For now, many questions will once again need to be answered. Where will this scandal eventually rank in MLB history? What can be done in order to test players for HGH? Will Congress have a hearing on HGH? Who are the other players involved?

Read more about Grimsley in Jayson Stark’s latest column on ESPN.com.

June 6, 2006

Satan checked the calendar today. Apparently it’s a hot one for him. Today is June 6, 2006, or 666. Actually, its 06/06/2006.

Wonder if they are celebrating it today in Hell, Michigan? You bet they are. Hellish Party

Theologians note that 666 can be found in Revelation 13:18 in the Bible: "This calls for wisdom: let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number, its number is six hundred and sixty-six." Some interpret beast as the antichrist.

Hollywood is involved in the evil-spirited day. Rarely do you find a movie opening on a Tuesday, unless it is an “observed” holiday. Today, “The Omen” opens in select theatres. It is a remake of the 1977 movie with the same title about an American man who believes that his young son may literally be the devil in the flesh. Apparently the little guy has 666 carved into his skull. Interesting.


Some soon-to-be mothers are putting off their pregnancies until tomorrow. Some satan followers are getting married today. But tomorrow we will all wake up, and for many of us, June 7, 2006 will just another ordinary Wednesday. Right?

NBC Makes a Great Deal

Deal or No Deal? It is an easy question. And it is a fairly simple game show that NBC is thankful for. This is how it works. You pick a case, hoping the bombshell babe holding the case has the $1 million dollar prize inside. Then you eliminate other cases, trying along the way to eliminate low amounts and get high offers from the banker. This can lead to a large sum of money instead of opening more cases and possibly lowering your chances.

The crazy part about Deal or No Deal is that the contestants actually think because their aunt’s husband shares a birthday with their daughter, say April 14th, the million dollars is in case 14. I don’t exactly know how you become a contestant on the hottest game show, but you definitely have a wide variety of participants.

It is amazing that shows that require no skill whatsoever can attract such large audiences. At least with Who Want’s to be a Millionaire, and Jeopardy, you have to know a lot about a little. I guess if Deal or No Deal works in the Netherlands, where the show began in 2002, why not try it in the States. NBC, not known for being a game show savy network, was trying to hook onto something that boosts the always important viewer ratings. In the 1990’s NBC was famously known for its must see TV. That is no longer the case. Gone are the days of Seinfeld, Friends, and Fraiser. Enter Joey, and The Biggest Loser. Yeah, no thanks.

This year has been a struggle for the peacock network in the ratings department. According to the Nielsen Ratings following the May sweeps CBS was averaging 12.6 million viewers a night in prime time, down 2 percent from last year. ABC was the second-most popular network (10.8 million average), followed by Fox (9.9 million) and NBC (9.7 million). But Deal or No Deal is averaging nearly 14 million an episode.

To host the show, NBC brought in a name from the past, Howie Mandel; the Canadian born comedian that starred in the early 1990’s cartoon Bobby’s World. Mandel suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), something that I learned this morning while watching the Today Show. NBC was hyping up the $5 million dollar season finale tonight. If you look carefully, Mandel does not shake the hand of any contestant, rather bumping fists, staying away from possible germs. This is part of his OCD. But Mandel doesn’t talk about it often. He has had the disorder since his childhood and it doesn’t keep him from helping contestants search for the winning bucks.

One company taking advantage of the popular game show is Cingular Wireless. Cingular sponsors the at home portion of the game where a text messenger, drawn at random, can earn $10,000 for picking the right “lucky case.” Like most cell phone companies, Cingular is definitely not afraid of spending the advertising dollars. Cingular also sponsors the text voting on American Idol, and we all know how many viewers that attracts for FOX.

Right now all that Mandel, Cingular Wireless, and NBC execs care about is that America is OCD for Deal or No Deal. How long will the ride last?

To read more about tonight’s $5 million season finale, click here. $5 million dollar finale.

Hevesi's Blasphemy of Bush

The President of the United States will always be criticized. It is something that comes with the job description when you are the most powerful person in the world. It doesn't matter if you are a democrat or a republican. Since we live in a democracy, criticism is usually allowed with no penalty. Yet, New York State Comptroller Alan Hevesi took his dispise of President Bush to a different level. Speaking via videotape at the Queens College commencement, Hevesi described fellow dem, Sen. Charles Schumer as, "the man who, how do I phrase this diplomatically, who will put a bullet between the president's eyes if he could get away with it." Since the remarks, Hevesi has apologized. His comments came only a day after he was nominated to run for a second term at the state democratic convention Wednesday in Buffalo. In accepting the nomination he said “We’re going to murder the Republicans.” But this brings up an interesting point. What is considered too far when critcizing the Commmander in Chief? Hevesi is clearly a loose cannon, not fit to hold public office. How can someone in charge of the financial expenditures of the State of New York talk about another politicial figure shooting President Bush? This story of complete irreverence wasn't the easiest to find on the major media outlets. Go figure. To read about Hevesi's response to his regretful choice of words, click here: Fox News.

A Bee C Primetime

Last night, the Scripps National Spelling Bee was televised in primetime for the first time ever. Not only was the 79th Spelling Bee shown to millions after dinner, ending just after 10 pm eastern, it was shown in H igh Def. I guess ABC wanted viewers to see the sweat glands of 12 and 13 year olds as they try to spell words like "ursprache," which means language. What makes no sense is the fact that ABC decided that the spelling bee should be in HD, yet last Sunday's Indianapolis 500 was not. Figure that one out? A spelling bee should be televised in a better picture than one of the worlds biggest races?
Richmonder Lizzy Barnett made it to Round 5. She was ousted on "siphonapterology," a branch of entomology concerned with fleas. I'm not sure even spellcheck would have caught that one. For more on Lizzie and the HD Bee, see the article in today's Richmond Times Dispatch .

ROCK OUT!

Throngs of people have waited in line for an opportunity. The young and the old amped up at the possibility to achieve a dream: air guitar champion. The United States Air Guitar Championships are underway. The 2006 competition started with regional events back in March and will culminate with the US Finals in New York City on Thursday, June 22.
Interested in tickets, sorry, it’s SOLD OUT. So if you want to see Columbus, Ohio champion Dave “the Rocktopus” Ayling compete for the 2006 championship, you might have to scalp tickets or check eBay. Dave hopes to become an air guitar immortal like 2005 champ Fatima “Rockness Monster” Hoang. If Dave can win the competition in New York, he will be off to Oulu, Finland for the Air Guitar World Championships in August.Think you have what it takes to take home an air guitar crown? You only get 60 seconds to show your stuff. Oh, and no air drums allowed, strictly invisible guitars. “Keytars” which were made popular in the 1980’s are welcome. And you must perform solo, no air guitar groupies. Judges score competitors in three categories: technical merit, stage presence, and airness.
So, if you haven’t had enough Quiet Riot, Def Leppard or Megadeath, rock out at a regional air guitar competition or log onto http://www.usairguitar.com/.